i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
