its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
