Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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