Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
