at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
