ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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