No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
