dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
