FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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