I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
