New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
