I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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