Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
