i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
