I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
