I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the day after is always just damage control
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
