I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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