Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
