why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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