That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
