A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
