you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
