Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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