The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize