new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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