i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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