i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
