if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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