highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
