farters have to be the big spoon...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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