I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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