She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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