Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
