Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
