Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
