the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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