I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
