How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
