you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
