for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
