Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
