Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
