He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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