No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
