Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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