I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
