my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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