I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize