I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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