I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
