Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
