Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
