oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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