i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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