so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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