Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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