dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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