On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
