My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Well now Iām in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
