The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
