R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
