oh god the rape fog is back!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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