I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
