Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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