Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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