I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dick very happy bro
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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