i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
