Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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