Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
