My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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