my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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