between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
