One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize